Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I used to be adamant about having a "type". More specifically over 6'2", dark hair, blue eyes, 32-37. Essentially, a taller, manlier version of Jake Gyllenhaal.  Deep down, I knew that it was silly, that I was limiting myself to the men out there. Plenty of amazing, smart, funny, handsome guys exist outside of the boundaries I had set myself. The bottom line was, I really wasn't looking very hard for someone to connect with. I would discount guys immediately if they didn't fit my "type". Looking back, it was all pretty ridiculous.

Now I'm not saying that there aren't specific traits that I find more attractive than others. Brunettes are generally more appealing to me than blonds. Hard to say where that proclivity came from, but it's there. However, I shouldn't write off someone who's blond just because of hair color, it's shallow and nonsensical and I'm probably missing out on someone who I'd otherwise really enjoy.

So why do we set these boundaries for ourselves? Probably to serve as a defense mechanism. This way, after you've whittled down potential suitors to those fitting your "type", if it doesn't work out or if you can't find someone, it's not as if you haven't tried, right? Wrong. It's often easier to play the victim and bemoan the fact that there are "no good men out there" than it is to look into yourself and search for why something isn't working. We love to be victims of circumstance and wipe our hands clean of all responsibility.

Even Sex and the City (a show that's happened to ruin an entire generation of women, more on a later post) acknowledged that Charlotte when was married to a perfect-on-paper Dr, she was miserable. Only when she got a divorce and started seeing Harry (a sweaty, short, bald divorce attorney) did she find true happiness. I'm not telling you to settle, at all. I'm just saying that if we find someone attractive, but he/she doesn't quite fit our "type", we should still try it out. What's the worst that can happen? So you have a bad date, dating experience, then you at least gave it a shot and looked outside the box.

I entirely practice what I preach. After dating several guys who fit my type to a "t" and having no luck (looked great on the outside, absolutely nothing inside), I recently started dating someone who dips a toe outside of aforementioned type. So he isn't 6'2", is under my age range, so what? He's still incredibly handsome with blue-gray eyes that I want to stupidly drown in, great style, insanely smart, etc. At the end of the day, he's someone who makes me extremely happy. He's the most selfless person that I've ever met and he's helping me trust men again.

Lesson Learned: Looks fade, dumb is forever.


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