Just a Little Bit

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Typecasting

I used to be adamant about having a "type". More specifically over 6'2", dark hair, blue eyes, 32-37. Essentially, a taller, manlier version of Jake Gyllenhaal.  Deep down, I knew that it was silly, that I was limiting myself to the men out there. Plenty of amazing, smart, funny, handsome guys exist outside of the boundaries I had set myself. The bottom line was, I really wasn't looking very hard for someone to connect with. I would discount guys immediately if they didn't fit my "type". Looking back, it was all pretty ridiculous.

Now I'm not saying that there aren't specific traits that I find more attractive than others. Brunettes are generally more appealing to me than blonds. Hard to say where that proclivity came from, but it's there. However, I shouldn't write off someone who's blond just because of hair color, it's shallow and nonsensical and I'm probably missing out on someone who I'd otherwise really enjoy.

So why do we set these boundaries for ourselves? Probably to serve as a defense mechanism. This way, after you've whittled down potential suitors to those fitting your "type", if it doesn't work out or if you can't find someone, it's not as if you haven't tried, right? Wrong. It's often easier to play the victim and bemoan the fact that there are "no good men out there" than it is to look into yourself and search for why something isn't working. We love to be victims of circumstance and wipe our hands clean of all responsibility.

Even Sex and the City (a show that's happened to ruin an entire generation of women, more on a later post) acknowledged that Charlotte when was married to a perfect-on-paper Dr, she was miserable. Only when she got a divorce and started seeing Harry (a sweaty, short, bald divorce attorney) did she find true happiness. I'm not telling you to settle, at all. I'm just saying that if we find someone attractive, but he/she doesn't quite fit our "type", we should still try it out. What's the worst that can happen? So you have a bad date, dating experience, then you at least gave it a shot and looked outside the box.

I entirely practice what I preach. After dating several guys who fit my type to a "t" and having no luck (looked great on the outside, absolutely nothing inside), I recently started dating someone who dips a toe outside of aforementioned type. So he isn't 6'2", is under my age range, so what? He's still incredibly handsome with blue-gray eyes that I want to stupidly drown in, great style, insanely smart, etc. At the end of the day, he's someone who makes me extremely happy. He's the most selfless person that I've ever met and he's helping me trust men again.

Lesson Learned: Looks fade, dumb is forever.

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Photos: Fourth of July

Best Birthday weekend ever.

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A Piece of WASP Heaven

Last month I went to Martha's Vineyard for the first time ever. My gay husband's cousin has a place there so we decided to meet up for a long weekend. To say that the vacation was much needed was a definite understatement. I had been working crazy hours and just had a lot of balls in the air (keep your head out of the gutter).

I took Friday off of work and took a flight out of La Guardia on Thursday night. Because I had arrived at the airport early, I decided to get a quick pedicure at XpresSpa at the terminal. FYI, those people rob you blind! And the pedicure wasn't even that great, maybe that should have been my first hint that the night was not going to bode well for me.

The plane had been delayed and so I was sitting on a runway for about 3 hours with a couple sitting slightly to the left of me. While I am totally a proponent of love, I HATE PDA. I don't want to watch you slobber all over each other and wonder where your hands are. In order to purge those thoughts, I turned up my iPod and tried to sleep.

Fast-forward 3 hours and we're finally touching down, we also happened to be the very last people to get to MV that night. GH (gay husband) and his cousin were awaiting at the airport with Mexican food in tow! God, I love him.

The rest of the weekend was spent going on long runs by the beach, tanning (GH has an entire system down pat) and eating lobster rolls. Most of the weekend went by in a blur, but I do remember seeing lots of madras, "Nantucket red" and critter embroidered everything.

I grew up in a single parent household (pre-stepdad), my mom was everything to me and the two of us tried to make it work. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment and when I was old enough to want my own space (I might have been 8) I decided to set up shop underneath our dining room table.  We didn't have a vacation home and rarely went on vacations. The whole world of using "summer" as a verb was completely foreign to me. So I guess now that I'm traveling a ton (both for work and play), I feel like I have a greater appreciation for it. I feel very lucky that I get to see different parts of the world and have great friends to share it all with.

Lesson Learned: If you have on lobster-embroidered shorts, don't feel the need to pair it with an anchor-embroidered belt, please.

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What to Get the Man Who has Everything

My gay husband's birthday is coming up and I had no idea what to get for him. What do you get the man who has everything (including a fabulous YSL grey suede croc-embossed tribute bag)? One of my friends recommended Biased Cut, who provides custom-tailored shirts at a mere $85 (starting price)! Check out the nifty video on which measurements to send in and how to get measured (Asian girl not included).

P.S. I'm getting one for myself ;)

Ready, set, shop!

Follow Biased Cut on Twitter.

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Want: Christofle Space Invaders Necklace

I went to a cocktail party last night and my friend L was wearing it. Absolutely must have now. $130 at Christofle. Not available in the e-shop yet...

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One or the Other?

One of my friends is convinced that there are essentially two types of people in NYC (maybe the world). There are the people who are happy with what they have and then there are the "bigger and better" people.  It's very easy to either spot a type or to identify yourself as one.  Here's an example:

Scenario:

You're at Chop't and you need to order some lunch. You can either get something you haven't tried before or you can order the same thing that you ALWAYS order. What do you do?

I will always order either the Cobb Sandwich or the Steakhouse Sandwich.  Why? Because I know exactly what each one tastes like and I like the way they taste.  I could get something new, but what if I don't like it? Then I'll just be mad that I didn't stick with what I usually order in the first place.  I'm so clearly the person who's happy with what she has...or am I?  You know that you should branch out and maybe try something new, but why mess with a good thing?

On the other hand, I have friends who will always order something they haven't had before, just to say that they've tried it.  They have almost a compulsive need/drive to try something new.

Now does this translate into dating? It's entirely possible.

I've bumped into the "bigger and better" people. You know the ones, they start dating someone great, but they always have an eye out for someone better: someone better on paper, taller, smarter, better looking, etc. In the end, no one's happy because you can't entirely enjoy what you have if you're convinced that someone "better" is out there. 

On the other hand, is it ok to play it so safe all the time? To expand on the Chopt example, is it better for me to try EVERYTHING on the menu is that when I settle back with the Steakhouse sandwich, I know that it's truly the one I like? I think that it all depends on how well you know yourself and how confident you are in what you like.

Lesson Learned: I refuse to have the "Grilled Asian".

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