They Always Come Back

Monday, August 16, 2010

For some reason, guys that I've gone on dates with in the past couple of months keep coming back. They just pop up randomly at weird times like a cracked out version of Whack-a-Mole. Case in point:

I met this guy D when I was out at Sweet and Vicious, which you might remember. We met, we hit off, I think he was tall, dark and handsome (it was a rough night). I gave him my number and he never called. Honestly I wasn't offended, I had spent the entire evening basically tell him that I thought all men were liars and there was no reason to ever get into a relationship with any of them (you can tell I was being exceptionally charming that night). Anyway, he was the only guy during that period who never called. To make myself feel better I thought that he had lost my number or maybe had to be deployed (he wasn't enlisted but it's funny the lies we'll tell ourselves).

Anyway, fast forward three months and I get this strange text. Here's the conversation that followed (all typos are intentional):

D: Hey sweety whats up. I havent heard from you. I thought you were going to call (this is a total lie because I never got his phone number)
Me: Hey...sorry super busy. What's up? (at this point I actually don't know who's texting me, but I had a funny feeling it was him)
D: Just thinking abiout what you were doing. i'm surprised you remember me
Me: Ha, funny you say that...I actually don't know who this is...
D: Lol you picked me up at sweet and viscous
Me: Which one? Jk, hey D. I actually didn't have your number
D: I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor. Let's meet up
Me: So we can make out and then not talk for 3 months?
D: I not worth the wait. Actually it took me this long to recuperate.
Me: lame
D: No but seriously i thought you were going to call me. you said no attachments. I figured this was long enough not to give you the wrong idea. lets meet up.
(I don't respond)

Truth be told, I only responded because I was at dinner with my friend L and it was HIGHLY amusing. I'm clearly not interested in him anymore, but what is it with guys making the rotation and checking in to see whether or not I'm single or if I want to meet up? Are they really all that predictable and simple?

Another example, P, one of my first dates (he's Monday) off of, emailed me about 2 months later with this gem of an email:

"Hey! What have you been up to? Are you still single?"

At least he's direct. I mean, I didn't find him that interesting 4 months ago. Maybe he thought that time would dull my initial impression of him? Not likely, but you have to give the guy some credit. I personally think that he just scrolls through his phone and randomly texts/emails girls and plays the odds. If any guys can shed some light on what the conversion rate is, I'd be extremely grateful.

Lesson Learned: "Let's meet up" generally means "let's get nekkid" unless otherwise dictated.


Anonymous,  August 17, 2010 at 5:38 PM  

98% of men are very simple creatures. As Chris Rock said "Feed em, fk em and shut the f**k up"...

Realistically a lot of guys go through the numbers on their phones at a given point to see if there is any interest at all. Even if they haven't spoken to or remember said person. Kind of like the old days, when men would clean out their wallets and find old phone numbers on various pieces of paper. And call just to see what's up. But email/text/bbm make that all less awkward now.

Match date Monday was definitely playing the percentages. The conversion rate is inversely proportional to the last hook up or meaningful contact to time of night and how drunk and willing the girl is.

in a mathematical formula:

Booty = ( Days since hookup + other contact)/ (time of nite + # of drinks)

The lower the number, the better your odds.

227miles August 17, 2010 at 5:48 PM  

Thanks so much for the comment! Really well thought out and I consider myself a better person for knowing the equation :)

Anonymous,  August 19, 2010 at 10:04 AM  

Seriously, ladies: Do we really need an EQUATION to tell us men are simple 98% of the time.

227miles August 19, 2010 at 10:49 AM  

No, but it's more fun that way ;)

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