Putting Out the Fire

I just realized that I never wrote about the sex maniac, dirty texting firefighter I met. The most logical place to start would be the beginning, so that's where I'm going to begin. I came up to NYC the first week of February, looking for a place to live. After perusing through craigslist obsessively for days, I picked about 15 places to look at. From there, I narrowed it down to 6 and came up for the day to look at all of them.

The first place I looked at was in Hell's Kitchen. It wasn't exactly the neighborhood I wanted to be in, but hell, it was a 7 minute walk to work. I get to the apartment with my gay husband in tow and this 6'3" dark hair, *big* guy opens the door. Now I kind of have a type: tall, dark and handsome. It's cliche but it works for me.

It turns out this guy who's moving out and renting the apartment is a firefighter. I guess the New York City Firefighter is hot commodity and kind of a notch on the bedpost. I was intrigued but I had to pass on the place. It was small, dark and smelly (which I know is what most people expect from a New York City apartment). Anyhow, about two weeks pass and firefighter emails me the week before I'm due to move up. I think the best way to relay what happened next is by posting our email exchange:

"heyy, did you ever find a place?"

"Yup. Very excited, I move up next weekend! Did you find someone to take over your lease?"

"Nice congrats. Yes I did. Let's get together when you get settled in"

"Sounds great. I'll give you a shout when I'm up."

"Ok. We'll have fun ;-)" (I guess this sounds a little ominous?)

--few more flirty emails....and then...--

"What's you cell # so we can text dirty stuff" (wtf, seriously?)

"Lol, what makes you think I'm up for that? Btw, you already have my cell." (me, trying to play it off and see if he's serious)

"Went out on a limb there." (next time you go out on a limb, try to go out REALLY far so that you fall off)

So then he texts me and tells me he's "a sexual person". Yeah, you have a dick, no shit you're a sexual person. Then he proceeds to tell me that he likes to have sex in public. Seriously, we haven't gone out and you're propositioning me to have sex with you in public? Good lord.

I pretty much ignore him, but once in a while he'll text me something like "are you out?" That's code for "are you drunk enough to make bad decisions?" He followed up with this last night "how come you don't text back"?

Clearly he's not the sharpest tool in the box.

Lesson learned: Men are sexual people