Guest Blogger: I don't like you, lox and lox

Note: This is a guest blog entry from my friend who I had dinner with last week (see To JDate or Not to JDate) She may be making a regular appearance...

I just moved to New York a couple of months ago and recently broke up with a boyfriend, so newly single me decided to try JDate. My first week, by the numbers... upwards of 800 guys have checked out my profile, 15 have sent me cheesy pick-up lines (I like you lox and lox... if a hebrew and a shebrew got together...) and anywhere from one to four will instant message me as soon as I sign on. So overall, I'd say it was a pretty successful start. 

After getting input from about a dozen friends, I posted my profile last Thursday. Before I finished putting it up, a guy sent me a message... he was pretty cute, we had a nice, funny conversation, I gave him my cell number and agreed to meet him out on Sunday night. 

We met at a tapas bar in the East Village (points for good choice), but he looked nothing like his profile picture and I walked right past him (negative points for that). We sat on a bench and ordered pitcher #1 of sangria and looked at the food menu. I suggested something with ham, then realized he might be kosher - he was (minus point for me). We drank, talked - well he talked, I listened - and finished pitcher #1. I was pretty tipsy and said didn't want anymore sangria, but was easily persuaded to drink one more glass... but, my accountant date said, it's not fiscally responsible to order just one glass, a pitcher saves money, so let's just get another pitcher. My one more glass turned into three and with every sip, he inched closer to me. He was lying on my shoulder, hand rubbing my lower back, my hands crossed firmly in front of my chest as I leaned in the opposite direction. I'm not sure where he read in my body language that I wanted to be caressed at the dinner table. I should work on my signals. We finished, he paid, we walked out. 

I started to say thanks, I had a great time, goodbye, but he insisted on walking me home. Well, points for being a gentleman I guess, so I obliged. When we got to my front door, I said goodnight again, but he said he needed to use my bathroom. Smooth move, dude. I wasn't going to make him pee in an alley, so I begrudgingly let him upstairs. He came out of the bathroom, flung himself onto my face and kissed me. It was more of a full face slobber than anything and after I pushed him towards the door, he said, I am definitely going to see you again. I am not going to see him again. 

Lesson(s) Learned: So many... In online dating, don't go out with the first person who messages you... Photos can be deceiving... Don't let a guy walk you home if you're not interested in him.