Open Letter to the Ex

Dear Ex,


Your new profile picture on facebook is ridiculous.  As in, ridiculously stupid. Where the hell did you buy that hat? And who are these new friends who are supportive of said hat? Because they are not your friends.  Seriously, where did you happen to find this Eurotrash trend that you're now sporting?  It does NOT suit you and you actually look like a douche now (rather than just acting like one in the past).


Get your J. Crew/Abercrombie clothing out of the donation pile and back into your closet.  As much as I despise you, I'm doing you a favor. Good god man, what have you done to yourself?


I would rag on the PBR that you're holding, but I can't blame you.  That shit is good for hydrating because it tastes like water.  By the way, thanks for being a dick.  The breakup was probably the best thing that's happened to me since online shopping.  I'm back to being a size 2 and I'm dating men who are much more attractive and interesting than you can ever hope to be.


Call me never,
Me


P.S. I blocked your ass on facebook so I won't ever be tempted to see what a trainwreck you turned into.

Exhibit A